Relationship Time Out

The idea of your significant other requesting a break in the relationship is often misinterpreted as “I want to end the relationship, but I don’t know how to come out and just say that.” Well, in the relationship age we live in the reality is that a request for a break is just that, a break.  Slowly the stigma of “taking a break” equating to the end of the relationship is fading and people are beginning to see that sometimes you have to come apart before you come apart.

The reasons behind breaks vary, but in a general sense people often opt to take a break/timeout because they feel hijacked by emotions and need to take some time from the interactions triggering these emotions. They need some time to figure out what they’re feeling and what they want to do about what they’re feeling.

But taking a break from a relationship isn’t as simple as spending time apart. Taking a break involves setting mutually agreed upon boundaries and engaging in deep introspection to determine the direction of the relationship at hand. The essence of the break is to give each other time to reevaluate what each other wants. While some will take this time to heal and then reconnect others will see and sense that they’ve reached the expiration date on this love and it’s best to move in different directions.

I’m a proponent of time outs as I feel it’s important to spend time alone to reflect upon the relationship and what you’d like the future to be. But before any break I feel that boundaries should be established. Well what’s needed? What’s important? What should be discussed and decided upon?

 

1. Talk

  • Having a frank conversation with your partner about how you feel and why space is necessary is critical.
  • You’ve got to determine what this break will mean to you two and what it will look like.
  • Remember that an expectation that isn’t expressed and agreed upon is just a wish!

2. Time

  • Six months is a break up, not a break!
  • A week to a month should be ample time for you to determine what you want to do
  • Don’t rush your partner to make a decision! Respect the process and time table that’s been set.

3. Taper

  • A break is just that, a break. You’ve got to cut communication and contact.
  • Yes there will be a void that now exists because of their absence from your life during this break, but don’t allow that to cause you to rush your decision.
  • You’ve got to have the time and space to consider and evaluate where you two are, what you need, what you need to give and if you two can do that for each other at this stage.
  • You’ve got to focus on your healing and answer the questions percolating in your mind… you can’t do that laying up with them every day.

4. Truth

  • Don’t lie to yourself about your feelings or lack thereof for your partner.
  • If you can’t be honest with yourself then you’re not going to be honest with your partner.

5. Tame

  • You’ve got to tame the temptation to run free and wild now that you’re in this detached state.
  • Agreeing to see other people during this process can create a minefield of conflict, jealousy, insecurity, and secrets.
  • This time period apart is supposed to be spent reflecting on the relationship, not planting seeds for a new one!
  • Bringing other people into the mix at this stage only muddies the emotional waters and distorts your decision making process.